PETA has been in the forefront of protecting us from ourselves, whether it is harvesting fur, killing animals for a meat-centrix lifestyle or embedding a hook in a poor defenseless fish and sending it into utter terror with our domination. Of course, recently PETA advocated pumped breast milk as an additive to ice cream instead of using cow milk, gathered via the oppressive means a dairy farmer. So, Buster has weighed in on the indoctrination of the children by PETA to eliminate the harm to the fishies.

At first blush, great. Less rods out there thus improving my moments on the water. But, actually, there are no better advocates for fish and their habitat, and their abuses via over harvesting and drift nets etc. than fishermen.   

Dear PETA,

A friend of mine recently told me about your brilliant new campaign to encourage kids not to go fishing. It’s called “Save the Sea Kittens,” and for those who aren’t familiar with it, I couldn’t possibly do any better than using your own words;

“People don’t seem to like fish. They’re slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least…Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You’ve done enough damage, buddy. We’ve got it from here. And we’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

Buster remarks:

Ya know, I can just picture the PETA brain trust, sitting around on their brightly-colored yoga balls (chairs are bad!!) and dreaming this up, while practicing their breathing exercises. And you know, I have to give you points for creativity. Really, I do mean that, because there is a certain part of me that can appreciate subversiveness, even while I totally disagree with the agenda. This is truly a new level of absurdity, even for you. Which brings me to the point, and I’m going to keep it simple – quit fucking with our kids, dammit. You have absolutely no goddam right to teach children that a FISH is actually a SEA KITTEN, do you hear me? What’s next, teaching kids that chickens are really guinea pigs from another planet? You are doing our children a complete disservice by teaching them this drivel, and I’d add that you’re also painting yourselves as utter fruitcakes, except you’ve been excelling at that for a long time.