Posts Tagged ‘parents

27
Sep
19

stability and love…

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Frederick Douglass

11
Aug
18

yes, forgive…

‘Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.’ Oscar Wilde    😀

01
Aug
18

always teaching…

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” Robert Fulghum

04
Sep
15

Breaking the cycle…Show your love!

“…the strongest predicter from childhood of becoming an abusive parent was not having been abused, but rather having felt as a child that one was unloved and unwanted by one’s parents – an attitude common, of course, among abused children, but also found in families in which there is no overt abuse.” (NYT)

Through all their missteps, stumbles, downfalls and mistakes never let your child doubt your love while you guide them through the rough stretches of growth. Break the cycle of abuse that started way back and seems to get passed from one conditioned psyche to another…good for their well being and so good for yours. Let them fully blossom.

rose bud, morning light, garden, SwittersB

25
May
15

Memorial Day & Nostalgia

Joseph's Coat, Roses, Garden, SwittersB

A bit overcome with nostalgia this morning. I was watching someone’s tribute to WWII veterans, who are passing on at a rapid rate now. It made me think of my Father and my Mother. My Father was a quiet, unassuming man, my Mom the more animated one of the duo. Their life’s journey and all they had endured was not lost on me as a youth: early life abuses and hardship, the Depression, the war (WWII) and their partnership through the years of combat, distance and waiting, later their building a life together pay check to pay check. But, I only knew what I knew from brief overheard conversations with others.

Through all those years, I never once sat down and talked to my Father about his thoughts, feelings or memories of those years away and what he saw, what he felt. And, he didn’t offer it up…he had just gone on with his life. Now, as an older man, I think I recognize that my Father had his demons. It reaffirms my admonition, once again, establish the connection with your parent. Awkward at first perhaps…but more awkward than the lost opportunities to discover?

17
Feb
15

Bedrock…….

my Mom, Dad and Aunt

left homes early escaping

you don’t want to know

Mom-Dad-Aunt-survivors-strong-SwittersB

left homes in their early teens….never went back…strong but fragile until the end….love your children…WW II

27
Jan
15

Parents

do you know them?   did you know them?

you probably know more about her than him

surface stuff clutters the real them

how does one ever know them?

parents-cemetery-Oregon-SwittersB-family-headstones

what a shame…they gave us life…they gave us a chance

do you know them? did you know them?

so profound really, my small banter does little to 

touch upon the magnitude of them….

a couple in love or a couple in lust

they created a life force…you

29
Nov
14

Where does time go?

The holiday season, in particular, elicits a great deal of thoughts and emotions for many. Yes, the blessings or seeming lack there of preys upon the mind, heart and stomach. But, whether your life is bountiful or lonely another element ever more preys upon my mind….time. Fleeting time. It is true what they said long ago, when I was young, ‘the time just seems to fly by ever faster’. And you know what, it does. Days, weeks, months and then years fly by ever faster. A few trips, a few family gatherings, a few accomplishments and a whole lot of time unused, wasted, evaporating. When you are younger it seems never ending and when you are older I think we still take it for granted.

Watch-time-SwittersB-photography-life

I have this memory etched into my mind: my Mom was in hospice in our home. She was dying of cancer. She became more reflective and withdrawn. We never did have long conversations about our inner thoughts. Just didn’t happen. But, one day a short utterance from her came forth. “You know Gary, I never really did anything in life. It all went by so fast. I still feel like a little girl…afraid.” 

A strong recollection, a prompt to live life and love life. The time is still going to fly by. So what are you going to do today to make it a little bit more meaningful for you and those you like & love? 

fire+fireplace-quote-life-preparation-building-photography-SwittersB

01
Sep
14

For Us (I will carry it on)

Heart wrenching. Have you been here in elder (loved one’s) care? I have. Read this beautifully written piece.

A Swift Current

A Swift Current For US (I will carry it on) Edouard Vuillard– 1891-1892– Private Collection

An hour often passed without their speaking. The shared quiet fell over them, binding them more tightly than any conversation could.

~  Jhumpa Lahiri The Lowland

Twenty-four hours ago,

my mother did not know me.

Now we sit

side by side;

holding hands.

Our words

drift into the air;

a deep breath;

a slight smile.

Tengo hambre, she says,

surprising me

with the lost language of her childhood.

Our silence surprises me too;

luscious relief

after years of dementia’s

nonsensical tales;

bitter accusations;

angry recriminations.

Our silence;

a tender reminder of

long ago afternoons

home from school;

the two of us sitting

at the formica table;

Chips Ahoy and milk.

Day after day,

we sat in silence as

I tried to figure out

what the nuns expected;

what the other kids wanted;

why was I so scared.

She knew

not to say a word

until…

View original post 436 more words

07
Jul
14

‘We Did It Our Way’

parents graveside-flowers-Memorial Day-remembrance-SwittersB-photographyOne could write about one’s parents from so many angles of introspection. Let me ask you “do you know your parent(s)?” I mean actually know them beyond their outward actions, abbreviated comments and their expressions. For a start, do you know much about their early years? Have you ever had those clarifying, to the gut, conversations where parent-child does not exist in the moment?

I had few such conversations with my parents. I ‘know’ them by virtue of their deeds, their life’s day to day display. I had two gut wrenching moments, during times of taking their last breaths when the deepest truth gasped out. That is it. It has to be enough now.

Do you have children? Do they know the real you? Should you want to give part of that, do it while you can. We are so busy finding ourselves, improving ourselves…on and on the search goes. So tiring, so at times distracting. 

“WE DID IT OUR WAY”

Not some passage of a popular song for my mother. She put that on the marker after my father passed away. It sounded sweet at the time. But, in time I have come to understand the depths of that phrase for them. Their early life was grim, harsh and coming out of the Depression and WWII they fiercely ground out a life together. Yes, they did do it their way, without therapy, self help books, incessant self analysis. Oh they had their fractures, their sins, their faults. They shared that with me via their actions, but never really themselves. It is all I have, it will have to do…for me. 




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